THREE LIES WE BELIEVE ABOUT OURSELVES.

There are generally three common lies we believe about ourselves that produce problems in how we relate to other people.

Now, before we get into it, I need to address this: It doesn’t matter if you had a good upbringing and that you knew mom and dad loved you. It doesn’t matter that you have one kid and your friend has 4.

There is no point in comparing our circumstances with others to justify how we shouldn’t feel the way we feel. Life is hard. And we are living our own lives.

It doesn’t matter if Sarah is a working mom with three young kids, and you’re a stay-at-home mom with one child so you shouldn’t be tired or complain about being tired.

What does matter? You. You matter.

You are tired. You are finding it hard to know how to navigate the loss of yourself in motherhood. You are finding it difficult to find a job. Finances are tight. You’re overwhelmed. You’re burning out.

That matters. You matter. So just focus on you, what you need. Don’t tell yourself you shouldn’t “sweat the small stuff” when the small stuff are making you sweat!

Take care of YOU. Love on YOU. Give yourself attention! Because you matter!

Alright, now that I’ve got that off my chest. Here are the three common lies we believe about ourselves that are likely the root of the problems you’re experiencing:

1) Performance Lie

We believe that we need to perform well in order to be of value. This lie leads us to believe that our self-worth depends on how well we do in school, work, and life. And when we don't measure up to our standards, we fall into the habit of self-pity, frustration or upset.

2) People-Pleasing Lie

The belief that, "as long as people are happy with me, things are good" leads us to believe that our self-worth and self-esteem is measured by how others see us. When things are going well with others, we feel good about ourselves. Things might need need to be going well, but as long as things are neutral, as in, there are no conflicts, then we may feed into the lie that things are well. However, the moment there is conflict or any sort of dissatisfaction, we internally crumble.

3) The Lie of Control

Sometimes, we might even take it upon ourselves to ensure that everything goes according to our planning, wants or needs. This lie influences us to try to take control over the outcome so that nothing can go wrong. But that only backfires because we cannot control everything, and we cannot guarantee that things won't go wrong in our lives.

All three of these lies manifest in a variety of ways. We might end up procrastinating or never going all the way with any projects or endeavors or we might be defensive and blame others. We might even try to plan out our children's future for them - all just to protect the issue of our value... At the cost of our emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, and relational wellbeing.

Only when we identify and resolve these three lies, can we begin to release some of the things that are preventing us from the full experience of living.

When you become painfully aware of your toxic patterns, that is the moment where transformation begins. You just need to take the next steps by seeking support.

Can you identify where these three lies are living in your life?

Now what are you going to do about it?

You might be wondering who you could get help from. And if you can find friends, family, your pastor or a therapist, that’s great! But not everyone has those resources. So if you’re wondering, I’d like to tell you what I do. Is that okay with you? If so, that read along :)

I help high-achieving people pleasers struggling in their marriage and disconnected from their children overcome anxiety, overwhelm & burnout, heal trauma, nurture their souls, in order to love and flourish in their marriage and family life.

You’ll find that you will learn to love your partner AND be loved by them, you’ll deepen the marriage and connection with between family members, improve communication, and experience inner peace.

You’ll feel centered, authentic, and free to be yourself because you’ll be the best version of you.

There will be lasting love and connection in your life, and you will feel joy and fulfillment.

If you have more questions on what that process is, feel free to contact me here. Or email me at josephine@flourishwellcounselling.com.

Hope this blog helped!

Chat soon,

Josephine